...I suspect I may be the luckiest kid in the world

Showing posts with label really.. Show all posts
Showing posts with label really.. Show all posts

Saturday, February 27, 2010

A Hairy Cut

I dread trips to the hairdresser.

It may have something to do with the money they want from me (USA - MUCH cheaper than Switz!) or perhaps from the disapproving looks I receive when they see the state of my [very] unkempt hair.

All this happened today. That, and the Southern hairdresser trying to give me as big of a head of hair as hers.

Then, when I sweeetly explained what I wished for my hair, she stabbed me with her treacherously long fingernail.

And, due to the fact that I asked for it thinned (thin-haired people have no idea about what we thick-haired people go through!) she gave me up for lost.

And when I got home I found a rather large chunk of my hair missing. Up top.
Spite. Pure spite.

Other than that, I'm loving my thin and much-healthier, albeit 3 inches shorter, looking hair.
Thanks, Southern hairdresser-lady with lots of hair!

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

He Who Hesitates is Lost (But Sometimes it's not Their Fault!)

Tuesday afternoons involve horse riding lessons.
Thankfully, they don't involve me mounting said horse or any such nonsense. We all know how that story would go.

It does however, include me driving a big car with 4 girls in the back for a half hour each way. This trip includes many MANY requests on CD, song and volume change (I now know why this frustrated my parents so much) but it is a spectacular view all the way there.
Not that I would *cough* know; I'm *cough* concentrating on driving.

Today it included a rather large detour. The turn-off for horse-riding was closed and apparently a detour was in place.
It wasn't.
I ended up getting further and further away on the highway having no idea where I was and the poor girls were a bit tense.
We were going to be late.
They show stress in different ways.
MLF2's body tenses up and she is very alert but very quiet. I hear an audible sigh when stressful situation passes.
MLF3 just sits there singing to herself. And repeatedly asking for more music.
MLF1 is most helpful when I have no clue to our location. She is remarkably clear-headed and sensible and clever for a 10 year old.

I finally exited the highway and after asking for directions from some poor unsuspecting Swiss farmers I followed my nose and we made it to the lesson only 12 minutes late.
I was quite proud of myself. My nose had worked quite well.

I think the horse hair or something affected it though, because the trip home was too eventful.
I missed the first turn off because I simply didn't recognize it. Walk it off.
I missed the second one because MLF3 says the next right when we are passing that next right.
I missed the third one due to a disagreement between MLF1 & MLF2 as to the correct path.

And so it was no surprise when MLF1 kindly pointed out our street and said I should turn left.
And I proceeded to feel as small as MLF3.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

How To Stick Out Like A Sore Thumb (And Other Helpful Tips)

As much as possible I try to stay under the radar. Do my own thing, keep quiet, go with the flow.
I've worked out that this is more likely to happen here in Switzerland if I don't open my mouth. As long as I don't say anything, I'm safe. I just smile and nod. I look normal.
But, in case you were wondering how to not do this, I've got a few tips.

1.) Go to the Post Office and ask for a redirection form. They have many possibilities and you won't have a clue. But if by some miracle, and with a little help from overly emphatic gestures you manage to get the right one - you'll still be up the creek. Because then you actually have to fill the form out. It's like a multiple choice test in German - without the multiple choices.

2.) Look after MLF3 & friend on a play date. Friend can't speak any English, and we already know the extent of your German. When it is time for Friend to leave, instruct her to put her shoes on. She will then look at you confused and wave goodbye - Tschuss. Then, say, no - shoes. Emphasize the word too, if you want. Even use more gestures. She will still be confused and say goodbye to you again. Tschuss.

3.) Walk around with your IPod on, listening to podcasts of radio shows such as Hamish and Andy. You will laugh out loud in inappropriate places and wear a big grin and walk around chuckling to yourself. I suspect people will actually think you have problems.

4.) Ask the Swiss Assistant at the Travel Buro for help in booking your train tickets. She will look surprised when - A. You're booking only a few days in advance and B. You want to leave the country.
Why would you ever want to holiday anywhere other than SwissLand and Why would you not be more organized that? What were you thinking?

5.) Leave it til the last minute to catch your last train home. Then decide you absolutely must have a cheeseburger. You can then run at full speed through the station yelling Excuse Me! and Coming Through! Bag, coat, wallet in one hand and cheeseburger in the other. People will look angry, frustrated or annoyed, but really they're just jealous that they didn't think to get a cheeseburger. Trust me.



You can thank me later.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Please EXIT the Plane Now Before Your Head Explodes

I'm not admitting to it, but sometimes it's like someone switches a light on in my head. A click! and then I understand. Sometimes this little process takes several seconds for the light to fully switch on.

I've only driven on the highway here a few times. I mean actually driving, not just being in the car. I take more notice of things when I'm actually driving. This is my excuse and explanation for the following story. You are not allowed to think any less of me for what is to come.

There's a certain turnoff that I see a lot and I've wondered a few times what that town is like. There seemed to be quite a few exits for it and I assumed it must be something of a sizable town. I didn't ask, but just wondered in my head. Very good decision in hindsight.

Then, in Germany the other day I noticed this same exit sign and some rather loud bells went off in my head. I think it was because of these very loud bells that it took several seconds for the thought to form and process in my head. Too much noise going on in there.

This so called town, this destination, this exit - is an exit. The town of Ausfahrt, besides being a ridiculous name for a town, in German means EXIT.
Shame Shame Shame.

However, now things make a lot more sense in this head of mine. And, to make myself feel better, I looked up online about Ausfahrt and I don't think I'm alone. Phew.

A Canadian band even called their CD - All Roads Lead to Ausfahrt.
And the Urban Dictionary even defines Ausfahrt as Biggest city in Germany. Almost every Autobahn exit directs to it.

Pfft. As if. How dumb are they. Somebody needs to set them straight.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Illiterate, Penniliess and Learning the Art of Bag Snatching.

So yesterday I pretended I was in a fairytale for the day.
I got to visit Disney's inspiration for His castle, go through Austria to Germany, and fly because I was wearing Astro Boy's boots. Two truths and One Lie. It's a fun game.

But perhaps more on that in another post.
Today.
I was doing the right thing and *cough* paying my *cough* fine. Somewhat begrudgingly but at least the dirty deed is done.
The guy at the Post Office couldn't speak English. What is it with people not speaking English in this German/French/Italian speaking country?!
Midway through the *cough* fine paying process he made gestures. At the time I didn't know what he was trying to say. I raised my hands in question and apologized. Enshuldigung
He looked at me pityingly, and shook his head in a sad, sorry sort of way. In hindsight, I think I was supposed to maybe write my details down. In the split second after his pitiful look I realized that he thought I was illiterate.
But once you've made claims of illiteracy, you can't take them back. I would have just been digging myself a hole. You know, with my extensive knowledge of German and all.
And so I walked out feeling somewhat illiterate. And somewhat poorer.

Now that I'm pretty much a homeless illiterate broke bum, I walk toward my train and for once I was early. I think this was a first. Normally I'm running down the platform, bag and scarf flying out behind me, coat undone, and throwing money somewhere in this ticket machine vicinity.
Not today.
And because I was early I got to spend 10 minutes talking with this Little Old Lady, or LOL for short.. She had good English, she told me, because she read crime books, books of crime and books with criminals and the like. She asked me what time the train came no less than 6 times. Funnily enough, the time stayed the same.
LOL made me feel, mmm, somewhat nervous with all her crime talk. She seemed sweet, but it's never who you expect ja? She could've been a bag snatcher for all I knew. You never hear of little old ladies bag-snatching but they would have the element of surprise on their side.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

"A Series of Unfortunate Events." by MissInformed.

I'm still seething.
I'm trying to forget an unfortunate experience in which I was misled, misinformed and mistreated.

Ticket please?

I've been asked to show my ticket quite a few times already on the train since I arrived less than a month ago. The other day the ticket inspector came up to me out of nowhere and said something.
I didn't what he said because I had my IPod on. And I wouldn't have understood him anyway.
I speak English. I wish I had a sticker on my forehead that said this.
I took my earphones out of my ears, and said 'My ticket?'
And he said with a deadpan voice but a disapproving face, 'You can't buy a ticket on a train.'
I fished out my ticket and showed it to him. I think he was disappointed that I had one.


I'm still trying to work out the travel system but thankfully I've been ticket-equipped so far.
Until now.

On Tuesday night I met up with a few other au pairs at the Irish Pub for St Patrick's Day. I think it's the only one in the Zurich City area and it was packed.
All was well.
I left at about 10:30 because it would take me a good 40 mins to get home and I was pretty tired.
I left the pub and was glad to see Tram #2 waiting outside. I jumped on.
I was too glad.
It was about 4 stops later that I realized that Tram #2 was going in the opposite direction to what I wanted.
This was just ticking over in my head when Inspector Ticket got on board the tram. He was closely accompanied by Sidekick Einstein. (I call him this for his looks only! - not his brains)

Inspector Ticket made his way to me and asked for my ticket. I was on the mark though this time and knew what he was wanting. I am clever.
I fished out my Gleis7 and handed it to him.

-Now, a Gleis7 is a pass I purchased when I first arrived. It is valid for a year and allows me to travel after 7pm for free.
-When you purchase a ticket during the day, this ticket is valid for trains, planes and automobiles. Actually not, but it is valid for trains, trams, boats and buses.

Wrong Assumption #1: Gleis7 is also valid for trains, trams, boats and buses.
Wrong Assumption #2: This would all be over very quickly and I could get off this wrong Tram and start heading in the right direction.

Inspector Ticket informed me that I Gleis7 is not valid for trams and then started to get his things together for a ticket.
It was at this point that I should have started crying. You know, for sympathy. But I don't know how to cry in German.

It was about this point that Sidekick Einstein entered the scene. He was sort of mumbling to himself and laughing every now and then.
Inspector Ticket kept dropping his papers and ticket machine and things and swearing.
And it was English. I could understand exactly what he was saying. Now he speaks English.

It took forever to fine me. And it felt longer because I was still heading in the wrong direction. All the while Inspector Ticket is swearing and Sidekick Einstein is laughing somewhat hysterically. It was kind of a quiet hysterical laugh.
Then I realized: I think he is drunk. Sidekick Einstein drunk on the job.

And I'm still heading in the wrong direction. They finally give me the ticket which I stuffed into my purse and haven't pulled out since. And I hopped off at the next stop. Good riddance!
And found myself in the middle of nowhere.

I started walking back to the previous tram stop - hoping it would be bigger than this one. There were a number of crazy people around and I was pretty keen to get home.
I walked fast.
And bought a ticket at the next stop. Ha! Not falling for that one again!

Tram #2 finally made its way in the right direction and it seemed slower than normal. It always does when you have that one last train of the night to catch and if you miss it, you're walking.

Well I missed the train by 30 seconds but thankfully there was one more 1/2 hour later. Phew.
So I sat in Maccas and drowned my sorrows in a cheeseburger.
And caught the train home for free with my Gleis7.
So there, Ticket Inspector. Take that and don't drop it.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Shop Til You Drop (The Basket)

I was sent this morning with a list in hand to Migros.
Migros is one of the two main food supermarkets in Switzerland. The other is Co-Op.
All the items fit onto a post-it note and so I hoped to get it all in one quick sweep.
Not quite.
I forgot to get a trolley.
I realized this when I was already inside and the trolleys are outside.
Small list - I'll just use a basket.
After all, this was going to a quick shop. Quick shop - light basket, right?
I had to find special garbage bags - after searching high and low, I finally asked Shop Assistant #1.
Very helpful. Got the bags.
I had to find this certain type of spaghetti. Searched for a very long time as it was important that I got that brand.
Finally asked Shop Assistant #2.
Very helpful. Unfortunately, this brand only sold at Co-Op - the competition. Ouch.
I had to find beef mince. Searched everywhere. They have many places where meat might be.
Finally asked Shop Assistant #3.
He and Shop Assistant #4 conferred in German as to what I was looking for. First he told me that only the English have mince meat.
I must have looked confused. I was.
He pointed to big chunks of beef. But no mince. I told him my host mother had asked for packets of mince.
He brightened. And led me to - packets of mint! Herbs!
Finally I thought to mention mince for spaghetti bolognase.
And this was the clue that gave the game away. He showed me not only beef, but also pork and also something else which I wasn't too sure about. And a mixture of all 3!
He said he'd never heard of this being called mince. It looks a bit different to what we have at home, but it was definitely mince.
I heard him telling Shop Assistant #4 about my mince.
Very helpful.
When I finally had everything I lugged the basket to the checkout.
I wasn't using the handle anymore. I had put way too much in the basket and the handle didn't feel quite safe.
I put everything on the conveyor and separated the house shop from my personal purchases. Chocolate was on special! Ah.
Shop Assistant #5 seemed very confused with my separation. And she didn't understand English. And I have no clue with German.
Fortunately, the customer behind me understood me and translated.
Thank you, following customer!
45 minutes later I made it out.
The moral of this story:
Ask each of your questions to different Shop Assistants. Then none of them know just how clueless you really are.
And always grab a trolley.


In other news, I made ham & cheese & quark croissants for lunch. I still have no idea what quark actually is, but it's the glue that holds it all together.
They were good. As was the banana cake/bread that I made.
The girls told me the banana cake was the best they'd ever had and had too many pieces, and Pa was quite surprised when he knew that these were the first croissants that I had made.

Small Victories. Excellent croissants. Really good banana bread. And chocolate on special.
Ah.